God’s timing and my interference.

Have you ever gotten so excited about something you see God doing that when you joined in the party you tried to take it over? This happened to me this weekend, and it’s one of those things I’m realizing I do all too often. Someone I have been praying for a lot over the summer, but hadn’t heard from, called to tell me about some amazing things God has been doing in her life, and asked if a particular offer I had made her months ago was still on the table. I said, “of course” and set about keeping to my promise. Then she asked me to help her with something else, and I did. And then when she began to get discouraged about the slow progress she was making, I tried to encourage her not to give in to despair.

And then I set about speeding things up and finding a way to make SURE her situation improved. All of a sudden, I was giving much more time and energy to “helping” her than asked for, necessary, and in the way I thought was best, not just following God’s lead. After getting frustrated when the solutions I found for her were not to her liking, I thought “beggars can’t be choosers–do you want a better life or not?”

And then I got so anxious with worry over her not heeding my advice that I screamed like a banshee at nearly everyone in my family over some stupid housework that didn’t vanish in the blink of an eye. (By the way, they were actually working on it.) Then came the tears and the “I’m so sorry”’s and the recognition of why I was really in knots. I remember saying to my husband, “It must be nice and peaceful not to care about other people. Why do I hurt so much for other people?” And I do, but there was more to it.

Deep down, I was angry with her for not agreeing with me and thanking me for all the time I spent researching options for her, making calls for her, finding an out for her. I was worried that my solution was the only one available and that if she didn’t choose to take it she would stay where she is in her life–a very bad place. I truly was concerned for the safety of her and her children, the pain and anguish she will surely have to endure, as well as her kids, if things don’t change, but I forgot something. . .this is God’s triumph, His plan, not mine.

When she was MIA in my life, I had to entrust her to God and was powerless to do anything or know anything until the appointed time. When she resurfaced and I was able to tangibly help, I overstepped myGod-given boundary and pushed my plan instead of His. I lost MY faith in His ability to handle the situation. I doubted His ability to make this happen without me. I forgot that He was the one that started a ball rolling and gaining speed so fast that she had to call me and tell me and find out if my offer still stood because she needed it NOW! God did all that, not me.

I haven’t gotten a chance to apologize yet, or to tell her what I’ve learned since then that makes my whole plan irrelevant anyway, but I know that yesterday she wasn’t sleeping like she was the other times I called. She was up and doing something. I don’t know what, but something is better than hopelessness. Something is significant. Something means God is working around my interference. I know Him well enough by now to be assured of that!

Now, I can only hope and pray for the opportunity to talk with her just one more time before she’s gone. But I have a feeling that she knows me well enough to know that I am well aware of my humanity and need for forgiveness. And even if we part on somewhat tense terms, I’ll hear from her at some point. And then it will only be to tell me all the wonders God has done in her life. I know it will happen again someday, because I got to make good on my promise, and she promised me she would keep in touch.

And God knows my heart better than I do, and loves me more than I deserve. And God knows how much faith it takes to believe in the ability of this woman to reshape her life to be the woman He intended her to be. And God knows I am one of few, but not the only one to have that faith in her. . .No, in God’s ability to heal her and change her circumstances. And God knows her heart, and “hope never disappoints. . .”